Carole Ermel

Q. Tell us a little about yourself and your lifestyle.

A. My single and married life has been quite a ride. I was born and raised in a rural area outside of Harrisburg, Penna., did my undergraduate work at Pennsylvania State University where I met my husband,Fred, was married when I was 22 and had two daughters by the age of 32. We eventually relocated to northern NJ because Fred became an investment banker in NYC.

My professional career includes teaching Kindergarten through 6th grade for five years. After graduating from the NY School of Interior Design, I had a small design business for many years. My lifestyle has always been active, very fulfilling and tough to manage, constantly juggling ten balls at one time. This is what women do. My number one priority in life has always been my family but I always managed to be involved with a small business, school activities for the girls, Junior League responsibilities, church commitments, and community issues. I believe that if you are involved you have input and better control.

Other important aspects of my lifestyle are traveling and fitness. We have traveled extensively as a family (Fred and I always had the desire to see the world because we had no traveling experience as children) and we are a family of gym rats. We all exercise regularly, ski every year and play golf. I have been very blessed and I thank God every day to be on this side of the grass. I now spend six months in NJ and six months in Florida.

Q. Describe how you found your cancer, were you on 'watch' or did it sneak up on you?

A. I was 40 years old when I discovered the lump in my right breast in the shower one morning. That was 23 years ago and back then it was very unusual for someone my age to have breast cancer. I had never given myself a breast exam before. I don't know why I did that morning. I can't remember having any literature about a breast exam and there was not much information about breast cancer. No one I knew ever talked about breast cancer because none of my friends had it. I was very upset when I found the lump; I called my OBGYN and sat in his office that evening waiting for him to return from a baby delivery. He also felt the lump and we discussed the next step. I was not on watch because, quite honestly, I never gave breast cancer a thought. There is no history of breast cancer in my family that I am aware of.

Q. Following diagnosis, what helped you cope the most, and gave you strength?

A. I think I was able to cope in the beginning because I knew very little about breast cancer. After I started reading everything I could get my hands on, I really became upset. The more I educated myself the worse it got; the old saying "ignorance is bliss" certainly was true in my case. I am a true realist so I just continued to read and educate myself. I do much better with the known than the unknown. I needed to know what the future was for my family and me. My family, and a personal friend who was an oncologist at NYH Cornell Medical Center were my center of support and hope.

My two daughters, as young as they were, had their very special way of caring and loving me. It could have been a hug, a visit, home made cookies, or just sitting with me so I could read to them. My parents were also very supportive. They were convinced I was going to die so they came north from Florida to be with us. My mother would drive my big sedan to the hospital in NY everyday to see me, while the girls were in school. I was so proud of her; driving in NY is not easy.

My husband was a pillar of strength. He was affected the most but was always courageous. He never let me think the worst, was always positive and supportive. He would tell everybody that I was going to get better; there was no other option. Fred was the protector of our family; his love, strength and support was vital part of my recovery.

Q. How has breast cancer changed your outlook on life?

A. I could spend an hour writing about this question. I think the most profound change for me was that it taught me how to stop and smell the flowers. I appreciate every moment of my life, even the not so great moments. I thank God everyday that I can witness my husband getting old and share the weird and wonderful things that happen to old people. I thank God everyday that I am able to be a mom to my daughters. My outlook on life was always positive but now I have a better understanding that your life can change in a flash. I don't put off to tomorrow what I can do today whether it is a kind word, a kind deed or just a kind thought. Life is very precious and you pass through this lifetime just once and I want to be remembered for who I am and not what I have done.

Q. What advice would you give to someone who is newly diagnosed with breast cancer?

A. Use all the resources available to you and enlist the best possible doctor and medical facility to treat your particular situation. You may need a second opinion; do your research; there is a wealth of information on the internet; it will help you to make educated and informed decisions concerning your diagnoses. Share your feelings with the people who love you the most. They are a great support system and they need to know how they can help you. This is a very traumatic experience for everyone involved whether it is a spouse, children, parent or friends, and surprisingly enough they will look to you for direction because only you know what you need from them.

Q. How has The Breast Cancer Research Foundation been helpful to you?

A. The BCRF has put into perspective the importance of research by dedicated doctors. My first experience with BCRF was ten years ago when Play For P.I.N.K., a grass roots organization of solely volunteers, contributed $66,000 to BCRF for clinical and research efforts. PFP raises money for breast cancer research by hosting sporting events such as golf tournaments, tennis tournaments, dressage and polo tournaments, Swim-a-thons, card parties etc. I am on the board of PFP and we chose BCRF because their motto was "to find a cure in our lifetime". A minimum of 85 cents of every dollar raised goes to breast cancer research and awareness programs. Both of these factors were very important to PFP. We also wanted to find an organization with the same goals. We are completely underwitten by sponsors, so 100% of the money we raise can go to BCRF. Since inception, PFP has given a total of $10 million dollars to BCRF. It is an honor and a privilege to be associated with this fine organization of dedicated and committed professionals. Together, we will find a cure for breast cancer!